that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
