he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
