I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
