so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.