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the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
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