Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  ...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail

  (949): View more from California

  ps not my toothbrush awkward.

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  (949): ...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail (949): ps not my toothbrush awkward. http://tfl.nu/7ox1
  Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (2011)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

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  (301): she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying (203): but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she http://tfl.nu/l9o1
  Replies (34) Good night (4605) Bad night (932)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening

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  (732): and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening http://tfl.nu/8ijj
  Replies (17) Good night (1481) Bad night (4781)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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  (716): Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise. http://tfl.nu/ygq6
  Replies (14) Good night (4514) Bad night (621)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Do you think he can smell the vodka?

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  (678): You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house. (404): Do you think he can smell the vodka? http://tfl.nu/oujs
  Replies (35) Good night (850) Bad night (4816)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.

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  (609): Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing. http://tfl.nu/en2f
  Replies (26) Good night (1261) Bad night (6727)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm

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  (214): she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm http://tfl.nu/qx0o
  Replies (8) Good night (3064) Bad night (1755)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes

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  (225): it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes http://tfl.nu/e457
  Replies (8) Good night (2541) Bad night (1215)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was

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  (401): All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was http://tfl.nu/3k0k
  Replies (13) Good night (3400) Bad night (836)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this

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  (416): Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this http://tfl.nu/tjbd
  Replies (11) Good night (1968) Bad night (897)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.

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  (623): I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard. http://tfl.nu/xo35
  Replies (21) Good night (2538) Bad night (750)
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  (805): View more from California

  Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.

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  (805): Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life. http://tfl.nu/rnx1
  Replies (2) Good night (1350) Bad night (542)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma

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  (919): Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma http://tfl.nu/tsev
  Replies (1) Good night (866) Bad night (255)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.

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  (952): Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate. http://tfl.nu/tke3
  Replies (5) Good night (849) Bad night (308)
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  (650): View more from California

  Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S

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  (650): Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S http://tfl.nu/kv3h
  Replies (3) Good night (628) Bad night (298)

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