Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
COCAINE IS GR8
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
