We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.