he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room