Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

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  (803): You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo http://tfl.nu/7wt5
  Replies (35) Good night (4073) Bad night (589)
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  (805): View more from California

  im having a threesome with these popsicles

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  (805): im having a threesome with these popsicles http://tfl.nu/tuy7
  Replies (27) Good night (3324) Bad night (1289)
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  (845): View more from New York

  that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...

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  (845): that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before... http://tfl.nu/0j29
  Replies (23) Good night (6159) Bad night (1209)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now

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  (250): i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now http://tfl.nu/xz0v
  Replies (8) Good night (816) Bad night (3852)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.

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  (412): I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts. http://tfl.nu/rew4
  Replies (24) Good night (935) Bad night (5390)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7595) Bad night (995)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand

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  (816): I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand http://tfl.nu/mvpq
  Replies (10) Good night (2153) Bad night (1008)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration

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  (313): Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration http://tfl.nu/0qdd
  Replies (12) Good night (2433) Bad night (1155)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.

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  (870): I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car. http://tfl.nu/7djn
  Replies (15) Good night (4622) Bad night (1427)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.

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  (706): I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries. http://tfl.nu/bagw
  Replies (2) Good night (1602) Bad night (821)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just got motor boated by a horse in the street

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  (845): Just got motor boated by a horse in the street http://tfl.nu/nm8s
  Replies (9) Good night (1617) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.

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  (616): I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady. http://tfl.nu/ufs6
  Replies (3) Good night (1964) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.

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  (256): Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life. http://tfl.nu/gj8o
  Replies (3) Good night (1001) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.

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  (727): He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again. http://tfl.nu/phzx
  Replies (8) Good night (1171) Bad night (221)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.

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  (281): Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician. http://tfl.nu/l4gb
  Replies (4) Good night (921) Bad night (249)

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