he shaved USA in his pubs
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.