I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
