Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
