dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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