I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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