Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
