Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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