If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
