that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
