you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
