He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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