i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
