I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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