it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
