New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize