Already got asked if we're dating
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
there is glitter all over my balls
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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