$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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