If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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