Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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