it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i came on her dog
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
