the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
