If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
