I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
