I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
