god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
