not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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