I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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