I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
