this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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