No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
