Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
