Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I FOUND THE LEGS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
