..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
