just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
