Just cropdusted the office
This house was built for laser tag.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
