You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
