those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
