I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
