did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
