I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
