Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
