yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
