I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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