i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I believe in your delicious
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
