It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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