You're my little dorito
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
