so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
