well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
