Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
