dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Randomize
