all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
