So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
