Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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