why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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