Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want nice things and good sex
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
