she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
