so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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