i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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