I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
