that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
