I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
