I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
