thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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