the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need moral support for this bender
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
