Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
