I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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