Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
