i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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