where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
