If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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