Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
