I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
