is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
