I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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