sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
