Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
