I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
