Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize