I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
