he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
