So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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