I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
