so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
