I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
