I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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