Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
