I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
