piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
